Crazy Hospital Lovely Laboratory
by 013bela
Summary: A colection of one-shot about one of the most confused realitonships ever. Rated M because of ocasonals dirt language
1. Romantic Meeting

A few notes about this fanfic must be passed, not even all chapter will have a fix time line or a right away follow up and one more thing, I intent to have different character to do the narration from time to time, not just Unohana or Mayuri.

This chapter passes before the Soul Society Arc.

And remember, Bleach is not mine; it belongs to Tite Kubo, unfortunately.

---

Soutaicho always saw the other captains like they were his children, and as a good father he always kept a watchful eye on them.

So when Capitan Hitsugaiya shouted in exasperation that Capitan Mayuri was using the 4th division Capitan's haori, it wasn't all a shock to him, but he could assure that after that it was down the hill on that beautiful Sunday morning.

"Oh, God! This is worse than that time when I found Matsumo naked on my office after one of her drinking parties." shouted the younger member of the 13 Capitan's.

"Why? You gay?" everyone turned their heads to stare at Kenpachi and Hitsugaiya when he said that, well not everyone, Byakuya was staring at Unohana with a small twitch on his left cheek, Kyohaku was giving Mayuri his thumbs up and mouthing something to him and the Soutaicho was having a great time watching Unohana act like nothing was happening and humming a lose tune to herself and Mayuri giving' his middle finger to Kyohaku over Hitsugaiya head.

"It's like this," Kenpachi was trying to explain his reaction to his captains' fellows, but failing miserably. "Is not like I don't find this mess very fucked up, but why seeing your supper hot vice - Capitan naked bad?"

"Would you like seeing your sister naked? Well, that's how I fell about..."

"Why are talking about you and not about the fact that Unohana is not using her usual haori also?" the attention turned to Soifong who was a step behind the backwards braided Capitan.

"And? Which number is it?" Gin looked even more like a gleefully fox when her asked Soifong, he was almost jumping on his spot besides Aizen.

"A big 12. Is a good thing they don't differed much in size or they would have figured out and we wouldn't have this great time we're...OUCH!", you is a bad thing when you see the most calm person in Soul Society hit the Capitan of the ninjas division with the hilt of her zanpakuto in the stomach without living her place or stop smiling, and is probably why almost all of them took a step back, Mayuri and Soutaicho were pretending nothing was happening.

"I guess I should adjourn this meeting, seems like we won't get anything done today, you may all go." not needing to be told twice all the Capitan's were already gone by the end of the sentence, living Soutaicho alone lathing at the things one must endure to be Soutaicho.

---

Sorry about the mistakes at teaser, I hope is better now. Any problems, doubts, compliments and even critics, are all welcomed to improvements.


	2. Family Lab

1Sorry about the delay, I have been busy with college, I'll try to be updatable. Enjoy!

***

Saying he wasn't having a good Day was an understanding, he was having one hell of a day. Mayuri came to his private lab after his Capitan meeting, in front of his computer was a waste of time, he couldn't concentrate on his projects or even on the book he keeps at his drawer for times like this, all he could think of was the prospect of Kyohaku spreading the gossip across Soul Society in a flash step.

He wasn't embarrassed by his relationship with Retsu, but he wasn't particularly fond of the fact that everybody would now know about his private affairs.

Lunch was long gone when the door from his lab burst open and Akon and Nemu came rushing to his table. His first impulse was to scream at the them and maybe a nice beating, but on a second thought, if they were behaving in such a way knowing that he would punish them, they must have a very good reason.

"Sir, is it truth? That you're dating Capitan Unohana?" Akon was the first to speak, the fact that they already knew wasn't a total surprise, he was expecting this, but the gleeful smile that was fixated on his face was.

"Yes, Akon. I'm dating Capitan Unohana." Maybe, if he wasn't so fed up he would kill them both for interrupting him just to confirm a gossip.

"Is she going to be our new mom?", well, he could asure you that he wasn't expecting that either. No that would be untruth, he was expecting that from Nemu but not from Akon. The horned boy just stood there, exanging looks with Nemu.

"Why would she be your new mom, Akon? I'm not your...What is the right word? Oh yes, father" Maybe, I should try to be nicer to people, like Retsu said last week when in that restaurant at Rukongai. Because not only Akon looked torn, but Nemu also looked a bit hurt, if that was possible, she'd never been good with facial expressions.

"But, father. I have always thoth that Akon was my older brother, after all, he eats with us, played with me when we were kids and you scream to him in the same way you scream with me." them Nemu seamed to stop to think. "Forget about the scream part, father scream with everybody. But again, he also lives wth us."

"Given said information, I might be Akon's father after all...But no, Capitan Unohana is not your new mother. Now go do something and leave me alone!"

I couldn't belive that I have been raising anothe child and never noticed...Looking at the watch I kept at my desk I decided to stop by Retsu's office and have a little chat, since everybody new already of our relationship why not take advantage of that.


	3. Dinner Date You Me My Kidnappers

Mayuri should know by now that it was stupid to think one could get a calm day for once. After having one interesting conversation with Nemu and Akon - yes, interesting, for him there was no other word to define that little chat they had, he was heading his way to the forth when a pink blob jumped on his and dragged him to the sixth division gates.

There was a hand covering my mouth, and opening my eyes I...I tell you, if I wasn't so pissed I would've been lagging hard enough to crack a rib. All male captains of Gotei 13 were currently sitting on a small room, all looking at him, even Soutaicho was there. Uh! I knew today was not my luck day.

The morons I have as co-workers kept staring at me, probably expecting me to go berserk on the or just lose the little patience I have. I could see Hitsugaya and Byakuya sitting together on the corner, peeking at me from behind Soutaicho's shoulders...was it me or they looked a bit green...But all the other, well, they were shameless staring at me, even Tousen, and he's blind.

What the fuck is wrong with them, I have other things to do with my life than to pose as a model to this fucktards.

"You must be wondering why we brought you here.", so this coward put the sick captain to do the talking them, very manly of them

"Not much of the bringing me here, more of the staring part, I didn't knew all of you liked me this much, should I tell Retsu of the competition she is about to face?", was Soutaicho smirking?

"Hum...we would appreciate if you don't tell Unohana-sempai about this meeting, she might get mad and..." about that everyone but him and Soutaicho seemed to have a involuntary spasm on their face, Byakuya even managed to twitch his left eye. How amusing they were today.

"But what do you all want with me? I don't have the hall day."

"Well, your dating Unohana- sempai and we are...how can I put this...?"

"What sick boy over there is trying to say is. What are your intention with her?",always trust Kenpachi to bluntly go to the point, but it was very hard to take them seriously so that's probably why me and Soutaicho started laughing our heads off.

I kept laughing until I heard Soutaicho saying something and just standing up to drag me out by my captain coat.


End file.
